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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955593">an ocean away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius'>thisissirius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr requests [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, OR IS IT, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:14:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25955593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody asks, but if they ever do, Eddie will say <i>the tsunami. </i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>tumblr requests [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>202</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>an ocean away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>all my tumblr fics uploaded :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nobody asks, but if they ever do, Eddie will say <em>the tsunami</em>. </p>
<p>In reality, there’s never any one moment he can pinpoint. </p>
<p>Evan Buckley just <em>is</em>. </p>
<p>He’s Eddie’s best friend, co-worker, and in moments when Eddie’s at his weakest, his most vulnerable, he’ll think <em>co-parent</em>. </p>
<p>Not that he’s ever going to say it out loud. </p>
<p>For all that he can fill the firehouse with his personality, Buck’s got a quiet seriousness to him that might be one of Eddie’s favourite things. He’ll be content to lounge with Eddie on the couch; a beer in one hand, a movie on the TV, and a smile on his face that punches the breath from Eddie’s chest. </p>
<p>At work, there’s a back and forth they have. Will they, won’t they, he knows Hen calls it in her head, but Eddie knows the answer to that.</p>
<p>They won’t. </p>
<p>Buck’s never - Eddie’s a single father, a pre-divorcee-widower? He doesn’t even know what to <em>call</em> himself. He’s not a catch and never will be. Buck deserves better, </p>
<p>Eddie’s not going to outright say, “don’t date me,” so he says nothing at all. </p>
<p>He takes advantage of Buck’s kindness, of his love for Christopher. Eddie knows it, even if nobody else does, including Buck.</p>
<p>Grasping at Buck, keeping him tight against Eddie’s side even when he knows it’s not fair, is something Eddie can’t seem to stop. It can’t go anywhere. Buck doesn’t want him, never looks back when Eddie’s eyes are pleading for him to leap, to take the initiative. </p>
<p>Eddie’s been to Afghanistan, he’s removed a live grenade from someone’s leg, but he can’t tell his best friend, “I love you.”</p>
<p>Even when Buck leans a little too close on the couch. Even when he’ll stand behind Eddie, the heat of his chest pressed to Eddie’s back. Even when he’s buried under piles of debris and Buck is staring at him hard, whispering for him to “stay with me, Eddie, please.”</p>
<p>Eddie’s heart won’t release its grip on Buck and with every day that passes, Eddie thinks one day it’s going to kill him. (The day Buck moves on, past, away.)</p>
<p>So if somebody asks <em>when did you know you loved Buck?</em></p>
<p>Eddie won’t know how to answer. </p>
<p>
  <em>(I’ve always loved him.)</em>
</p>
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